13-hour Journey into my Being

We reached Nongkhai Train Station in Thailand at pass five in the afternoon, after more than an hour queuing up at the Thailand immigration under the scorching heat of the sun. (Argh!! All those skin treatments put to waste!) The immigration people just wanted to take their time. They were insensitive enough to still groove to their favorite Thai pop songs while hundreds of people waited outside their air-conditioned office for their passports to be stamped.


When we boarded the train, our spirits lifted up again when we saw that train had a shower room. At least we can refreshed and get rid of all those bad vibes. We took a quick shower inside the train’s claustrophobic and flooded shower room and then hurriedly bought dinner from a nearby cafeteria before the train leaves at 6:20 PM. We had an early dinner. I had Pad Thai again, I think my fourth Pad Thai in a week. (When in Thailand, eat what the Thais eat, right?)

After a quick dinner and kwentuhan, we immediately said our ‘good nights’ at 7:30 in the evening and then slumped into our individual beds. After we turned off the lights, I hurriedly shoved my earphones into my ears and let those Rico Blanco songs permanently damage my hearing. I think it was an attempt to not hear myself think. For the past few weeks, I hardly got to think about anything else except work, which was good, I think. My inner conversations were very administrative, “Will our resource speakers get to the venue on time? How many metacards do we need for the workshops? What colour? Ano kaya gagawin namin para hindi kami tulugan ng participants?"

So for a minute there having this time alone almost scared the hell out of me. There was something that has been knocking at the back of my head for the past few weeks. But it was something that I refused to muse on because I know the answers to that long-standing uncertainty would only depress me... and it did.

I spent the next few hours just staring outside the window. Looking at the fleeting images, I wished my feelings towards a person would also pass rapidly and leave me by the time we reach Bangkok. The pain and confusion were unbearable, paralyzing even.

We reached Bangkok at around 7:30 in the morning the following day. After the 13-hour journey, my feelings were still as strong as the steel that brought us back to Thailand’s capital. But what to do with it is something that I still need to mull over.

I think I need to take another long ride. I'll buy me a ticket to Bicol when I get back to the Philippines.